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Dole's last-ditch strategies , CYBERSLAYER.co.uk - jokes
Top 17 Last-Ditch Strategies for Bob Dole
17. Have Liddy toss in a free pint of blood with every Dole vote
16. Get Russell, Kansas to hold a bake sale and a tractor raffle.
15. "Ms. Flowers, this is Bob Dole..."
14. Asks Clinton to drop out of the race so Dole has a chance against
Perot
13. Checks with the Joint Chiefs of Staff on the possibility of a
military coup
12. Releases doctored footage showing Dole catching that foul ball in the
playoffs
11. Appeals to "Soccer Moms" by donning Valderrama wig and providing free
Gatorade for the remainder of the campaign
10. Uses Senate influence to ram through a Constitutional amendment
raising the minimum age for President to 70
9. In addition to the 15% tax cut, promises every American a 15% hair
cut
8. Bribes Chelsea with a Porshe and a case of wine coolers for an
endorsement
7. Cruises Sunset Boulevard at 2:00 am in a desperate try for his own $25
media blitz
6. Claims mean-spirited twin "Doug" locked him in basement and claimed
his identity for the last 40 years
5. Digs through the rolodex for that Gilooly kid's number
4. Legally changes his name to "Bob Clinton."
3. Promises to make Snoop Doggy Dogg "Gangsta of State"
2. Out: Jack Kemp In: Tom Hanks
and the Number 1 Last Ditch Strategy of Bob Dole...
1. New campaign slogan: "Vote Dole in '96, get Kemp in '97!"
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