OK, we admit it this is a honeytrap. Sorry if your joke is on this website but it brings in a huge amount of S|P|A|M everyday which can then be used as a template to filter e-mails.
The different kinds of Computer Viruses, CYBERSLAYER.co.uk - jokes
The different kinds of Computer Viruses.
----------------------------------------
Ross Perot Virus
-Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.
Mario Cuomo Virus
-It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
Oprah winfrey Virus
-Your 200 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands
back up to 200 MB.
AT & T Virus
-Every three minutes it tells you what great service you're getting.
MCI Virus
-Every three minutes it tells you that you're paying too much for the AT &
T Virus.
Ted Turner Virus
-Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus
-Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
Dan Quayle Virus
-Prevents your system from spawning any child processes without joining a
binary network.
Dan Quayle Virus 2
-Their is sumthing rong with your computer, ewe just can't figyour out watt.
Government Economist Virus
-Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
New World Order Virus
-Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking
about it.
Federal Bureaucrat Virus
-Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does
practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part
of the computer.
Gallup Virus
-60 % of the PC's infected will lose 38 % of their data 14 % of the time +
or - a 3.5 % margin of error
Terry Randle Virus
-Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose 'abort' from the "abort,
retry, fail" message.
Texas Virus
-Makes sure it's bigger than any other file.
Adam and Eve Virus
-Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Michael Jackson Virus
-Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This
virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car.
Cogressional Virus
-The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing
on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
Airline Virus
-You're in Dallas, but you're data is in Singapore.
Freudian Virus
-Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own mother databoard.
PBS Virus
-Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.
Elvis Virus
-Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to
resurface again at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
Ollie North Virus
-Turns your printer into a document shredder.
Sears Virus
-Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply, and a set
of shocks.
Jimmy Hoffa Virus
-Nobody can find it.
Congressional Virus
-Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow
the user to accomplish anything.
Kevokrian Virus
-Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to.
Imelda Marcos Virus
-Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from
your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases
through Prodigy.
Star Trek Virus
-Invades your system where no virus has ever gone before.
Health Care Virus
-Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill
for $4,500.00.
George Bush Virus
-It starts by boldly stating: Read my test....no new files! on the screen,
then proceeds to fill up all the free space on your drive with new files,
then blames it on the Congressional Virus.
Cleveland Indian Virus
-Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT.
LAPD Virus
-It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases
them in "self defense."
Chicago Cubs Virus
-Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you
still love it.