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annoying people (1/5), CYBERSLAYER.co.uk - jokes
101 WAYS TO ANNOY PEOPLE
As an expert on the art of annoying and irritating others, I have
endeavored to compile a list of methods I have developed, used,or read
about, with which to annoy people. Some are very simple, some take
preparation, some are very old, some are new. At least 1/4 of them are
guaranteed to annoy your victim. Have fun!
1. Put your face really close to theirs while they're facing a
different direction, tap them on the shoulder, and watch them jump
when they turn to face you.
2. Copy their actions and everything they say.
3. Step on the backs of their heels while they're walking.
4. Yell across a crowded room to them: "Hey, John, the results came
back from the V.D. clinic: we're clean!"
5. In a communal shower or shower house, turn the hot water all the
way up and the cold water all the way down (or vice versa) while
they're rinsing the shampoo out of their hair and can't see
anything. Or, when you're finished showering, go outside and turn
the main valve off.
6. Pretend you don't understand what they're saying, no matter how
much they yell and how slowly they say it.
7. When somebody asks, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" reply, "No, all
of them."
8. When somebody asks, "Do you have the time?" reply, "Yeah."
9. If you have a dot matrix printer, leave the little computer paper
tracks on the paper when turning in a report or essay.
10. Ask an artist, "It's not finished yet, is it?"
11. On a summer day, ask anybody, "Hot enuff for ya?"(NOTE: Proper
response to this question is to hit offender in the face and ask,
"Hurt enough for you?")
12. Sign someone up on a junk mail list.
13. Go into a frozen yogurt joint where they have lots of toppings.
Order a cup, and say to the guy, in the most annoying tone
imaginable, "Do you have M&M's? Yeah? Good. How 'bout raisins?
Yeah, and sprinkles. Do you have cookie crumbs?" After he has
proceeded to put them on the yogurt, exclaim, "I hate cookie
crumbs. They make me sick. I can't even smell them, that's how
much I hate them. Aagh, yuck!" Watch the salesperson fume as he is
forced to throw away the entire cup.
14. Walk into a store that has a sign that says, "Have a penny? Give a
penny! Need a penny? Take a penny!" with a HUGE jar of pennies.
Take a penny out of the cup, put it into your jar, and walk out.
15. Pull up alongside somebody while driving on the freeway, and
gesture violently, indicating that they should pull over
immediately. When they pull over, just continue driving.
16. Take a pencil, stick a piece of chewed gum onto it, and stick it
to the ground. Then wait for some cheap-o to come along and try to
pick it up.
17. Play 'Penis.'
18. While standing next to someone, unobtrusively reach your arm
around their back, and tap them on the opposite shoulder.
19. Tell someone, "Okay, here's what you do: bite down on both your
pinky nails really hard for about thirty seconds, and then when I
tell you that time is up, link your pinkies and pull really hard."
If they ask, "Why?" tell them that it feels really neat. If done
correctly, this trick should cause excruciating pain.
20. Engage someone in a conversation, and have a friend sneak up
behind them, and get down on his hands and knees. Then, all of a
sudden, violently push the person to whom you are talking, and
laugh with sadistic glee as they tumble backwards over the person
kneeling behind them.