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misc, CYBERSLAYER.co.uk - jokes
A freshman's father paid his son a surprise visit. Arriving at 1:00
AM, he banged on the fraternity house door.
A voice from the second floor yelled: "What do you want?"
"Does Harvey Chapman live here?" asked the father.
"Yeah," answered the voice, "bring him in."
A Texas oilman went to the dentist. "Your teeth are perfect," said the
dentist. "You don't need a thing."
"Drill anyway, Doc," said the Texan. "I feel lucky."
My bank advertised "No Point Loans." I filled out a loan application
and they told me, "There's no point."
Judge: "What possible reason could you have for acquitting this
murderer?"
Jury: "Temporary insanity."
Judge: "All twelve of you?"
A psychiatrist was visiting an asylum for the insane. As he walked
the grounds he came upon a man who was creating a magnificent
mosaic of colored bricks in the garden. "Sir," exclaimed the
psychiatrist, "your artwork is marvelous!"
"Thank you," said the man, "I designed it myself."
"Is your studio near here?"
"I have no studio. I am a patient here."
"A patient?!" blurted the psychiatrist. "Good heavens, you're an
artist! I'm going to call the director and have you paroled. I know
many wealthy people who will commission you to design one of these
for their gardens. You'll be rich!" "Really?" exclaimed the
artist. "You'd do that for me?"
"Of course! Now here's my cab. I'll be in touch." As the
psychiatrist climbed into the car, something hit him hard on the
back of the head, knocking him senseless. When he could refocus,
he saw he had been hit by a colored brick.
As he looked up, the artist waved and said, "Don't forget!"
Q - Why are there no Olympic athletes in Mexico?
A - Because any Mexican that can run, jump, or swim is already in
America!
Q - Why do Mexican built cars have small steering wheels?
A - So that they can be driven by a person wearing handcuffs.
"Mother, I can't marry him," moaned the love-stricken maid. "Last night
he told me he was an atheist and he doesn't believe in Hell."
"Now you go right ahead and marry him," replied the mother, "and
between the two of us we'll show him he's wrong."