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Life 101, CYBERSLAYER.co.uk - jokes
To conquer the enemy without resorting to war is the most desirable.
The highest form of generalship is to conquer the enemy by strategy.
-Ancient Chinese Warlord
To me old age is 15 years older than I am.
-Bernard Baruch
Everything considered, work is less boring than amusing oneself.
-Charles Baudelaire
The employer generally gets the employees he deserves.
-Walter Bilbey
I have lived in the world just long enough to look carefully the
second time into those things that I am most certain of the first time.
-Josh Billings
Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.
-Ashleigh Brilliant
Friendships are fragile things, and require as much handling as
any other fragile and precious thing.
-Randolph S. Bourne
Top executives cannot afford to be isolated from the people below,
who are in better touch with what is going on, and cannot afford to set
unrealistic goals.
-Charles Burck
Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity.
They seem more afraid of life than death.
-James F. Byrnes
You know what charm is: a way of getting the answer yes without
having asked any clear question.
-Albert Camus
Let us keep our mouths shut and our pens dry until we know the facts.
-A. J. Carlson
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
-Dale Carnegie
The Golden Rule is of no use to you whatever unless you realize it is
your move.
-Frank Crane
Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness
without action.
-Benjamin Disraeli
Life is not a static thing. The only people who do not change their
minds are incompetents in asylums, who can't and those in cemeteries.
-Everett Dirksen
Mediocrity requires aloofness to preserve its dignity.
-Charles G. Dawes
Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open.
-Thomas Dewar
Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your
own. You may both be wrong.
-Dandemis
Small opportunities are often the beginning of great enterprises.
-Demosthenes
The world is full of cactus, but we don't have to sit on it.
-Will Foley
If something goes wrong, it is more important to talk about who is
going to fix it, than who is to blame.
-Francis J. Gable
Expressing anger is a form of public littering.
-Willard Gaylin
A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough
to take it all away.
-- Barry Goldwater
There are only 2 enterprises that refer to their customers as
users, and one is illegal
-Michael Hammer
The secret to Hewlett-Packard's success is that we've simply got
more bonfires burning at one time.
-Bill Hewlett
Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better.
-Edgar W. Howe
I try to have no plans the failure of which would greatly annoy me.
Half the unhappiness in the world is due to the failure of plans which
were never reasonable, and often impossible.
-Edgar W. Howe
If you want to get rid of somebody, just tell them something for their
own good.
-Kin Hubbard
The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be
taken seriously.
-- Hubert Humphrey
Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.
-O. W. Holmes
If it can't be understood, it's not finished yet.
-Paul Herbig
If I have to tell a guy he's got something to do, I consider myself
a failure as a manager.
-Bill Hewlett
Give us the fortitude to endure the things which cannot be changed,
and the courage to change the things which should be changed, and the wisdom
to know one from the other.
-Oliver J. Hart
There are times when even the best manager is like the little boy
with the big dog waiting to see where the dog wants to go so he can take him
there.
-Lee Iacocca
Everything must be done immediately even if it doesn't have to be.
-Larry Kane
You can't sit on the lid of progress. If you do, you will be blown
to pieces.
-Henry Kaiser
The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little
longer.
-- Henry Kissinger
Consider carefully before you say a hard word to a man, but never
let a chance to say a good one go by. Praise judiciously bestowed is money
invested.
-George Horace Lorimer
What we see depends on mainly what we look for.
-John Lubbock
The more noise a motor or a man makes the less power is available.
-W. R. McGeary
The person who walks alone is soon trailed by the FBI.
-Wright Morris
If the ends don't justify the means, then what does?
-- Robert Moses
When people cease to complain, they cease to think.
-Napolean
An executive is a person who always decides; sometimes he decides
correctly, but he always decides.
-John H. Patterson
In all labor there is profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.
-Proverbs
Those who obstinately oppose the most widely held opinions more often
do so because of pride than lack of intelligence. They find the best places in
the right set already taken, and they do not want back seats.
-La Rochefoucauld
The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good
people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from
meddling with them while they do it.
-Theodore Roosevelt
Do you know what a pessimist is? A person who thinks everybody as
nasty as himself, and hates them for it.
-George Bernard Shaw
Newpaper editors are men who separate the wheat from the chaff, and then
print the chaff.
-- Adlai Stevenson
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
-Cecile Stewart
Brisk talkers are usually slow thinkers. There is, indeed, no
wild beast more to be dreaded than a communicative man having nothing to
communicate. If you are civil to the voluble, they will abuse your patience;
if brusque, your character.
-Jonathan Swift
Most novices picture themselves as masters - and are content with the
picture. This is why there are so few masters.
-Jean Toomer
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then
success is sure.
-Mark Twain
The paths of glory at least lead to the grave, but the paths of duty
may not get you any where.
-James Thurber
Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.
-Leonardo da Vinci
Never rise to speak till you have something to say; and when you
have said it, cease.
-Witherspoon
Isolation breeds conceit.
-Charles Dudley Warner
Nothing is ever lost by courtesy. It is the cheapest of the
pleasures; costs nothing and conveys much. It pleases him who receives, and
thus, like mercey, is twice blessed.
-Erastus Wiman