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Fun things to do in a mall, CYBERSLAYER.co.uk - jokes
50 FUN THINGS TO DO IN A MALL
Note: Any resemblance of names in this article to actual large
powerful corporations capable of destroying mere mortal
humans like sparrows in a jet turbine is, um, pure
coincidence. Really.
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1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond.
2. Try pants on backwards at the Grap. Ask the salesperson if they
make your butt look big.
3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shlock.
4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Heckory Farms and helpfully
volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents.
5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!"
6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated
CD prices are in pesos or rubles.
7. Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsalable.
8. Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger Queen...
9. ...but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that
they're "astronaut food."
10. Follow patrons of D. Balton's around while reading aloud from
Dianetics.
11. Ask mall cops for stories of World War I.
12. Ask a salesman why a particular TV is labeled black and white
and insist that it's a color set. When he disagrees, give him
a strange look and say, "You mean you really can't see it?"
13. Construct a new porch deck in the tool department of Sears.
14. Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a fashion
dummy in clothes departments, occasionally screaming without
warning.
15. Test mattresses in your pajamas.
16. Ask the tobacconist if his hovercraft is full of eels.
17. If you're patient, stare intently into a surveillance camera for an
hour while rocking from side to side.
18. Sprint up the down escalator.
19. Stare at static on a display TV and challenge other shoppers
whether they, too, can see the "hidden picture."
20. Ask appliance personnel if they have any TVs that play only in
Spanish.
21. Make unusual requests at the Piercing Pagoda.
22. Ask a salesperson in the hardware department how well a
particular saw cuts through bone.
23. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils,
and whether there's much meat on them.
24. Hula dance by the demonstration air conditioner.
25. Ask for rose-tinted lenses at the optometrist.
26. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray *them*
with your own bottle of Eau de Swanke.
27. Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the candy store,
insisting that you lost a contact lens.
28. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches
the color of your beard.
29. In the changing rooms, announce in a singsong voice, "I see
London, I see France..."
30. Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes,
and wander around the mall taking two-inch steps.
31. Play the tuba for change.
32. Ask the Hamond organ dealer if he can play "Jesus Built My
Hotrod."
33. Record belches on electronic sampling keyboards, and perform
gastric versions of Jingle Bells for admiring onlookers.
34. Ask the pharmacist at the drugstore which leading cold remedy
will "give you a really wicked buzz".
35. Ask the personnel at Pier 1 Imports whether they have "any
giant crap made out of straw."
36. "Toast" plastic gag hot dogs in front of the fake fireplace display.
37. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as
religious tracts.
38. Ask the information desk for a stroller, and someone to push
you around in it.
39. Change every TV in the electronics department to a station
showing "Saved by the Bell." Chant the dialogue in a robotic
voice, and scream if anyone tries to switch channels on one of
the sets.
40. Hang out in the waterbed section of the furniture department
wearing a Navy uniform. Occasionally run around in circles
yelling "scratch one flattop!"
41. Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and
scornfully announce that none of them are "leakproof".
42. "Play" the demo modes of video games at the arcade. Make lots
of explosion noises.
43. Stand transfixed in front of a mirror bobbing your head up and down.
44. Pay for all your purchases with two-dollar bills to provoke
arguments over whether they're real.
45. If it's Christmas, ask the mall Santa to sit on *your* lap.
46. Answer any unattended service phones that ring in department
stores and say "Domino's."
47. Try on flea collars at the pet store while occasionally pausing
to scratch yourself.
48. At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.
49. Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether
they've seen this man."
50. Buy a jawbreaker from the candy store. Return fifteen minutes
later, fish it out of your mouth, and demand to know why it
hasn't turned blue yet.