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Composed by Jim Muncy

 Birth Order: Satire From a Youngest Child

 My wife and I are both the youngest child. Combine that with our own
 experience as parents and we often satirically talk about how things
 change as you have more children:

 Feeling the Baby Move

 First Child: I placed my hand on my wives tummy every chance I could
 for two months waiting for that first time when I could feel the baby
 move. Hours upon hours I waited until that magic moment when, I felt
 this little movement. We called all of our relatives to tell them
 about the blessed experience.

 Second Child: When it first happened, my wife called me at the office.
 I quickly ran home and felt the baby move. We included the experience
 in all of our letter to our family.

 Third Child: She told me the baby moved. I told her I would check it
 our during the next commercial break. I missed out because her mother
 called on the telephone so I went on watching Monday night football.
 By the end of the third quarter, I finally felt the baby move.

 Fourth Child: We were in bed and I was trying to sleep. I turned to
 her and said "Cant you make your tummy stay still? I'm trying to
 sleep." When it became clear that the baby would be jumping around for
 a while, we called the pizza man for a delivery.

 The Trip to the Hospital

 First Child: Every time we felt the slightest B&H contraction, we
 rushed to the hospital. I would carry my wife to the car and lay her
 down in the back seat surrounded by pillows.

 Second Child: We timed the contractions. By the time she had three in
 thirty minutes, we rushed to the hospital. She sat in the front seat,
 with it leaned back and a pillow behind her head and another at her
 feet.

 Third Child: I came home from the office as soon as she started having
 regular contractions. When they were five minutes apart and hard, we
 went to the hospital. I gave her a pillow to hold along the way.

 Fourth Child: When she called me at the office and told me that she
 was having contractions hard and five minutes apart, I told her to
 drive to the hospital. I would meet her there as soon as I finished
 the set of correspondence I was working on. I reminded her not to
 forget the pillows.

 The First Step

 First Child: My wife grabbed the camera. I grabbed the Video Camera.
 My wife took four rolls of film. We immediately ran out to the
 one-hour developing place and had all four rolls developed with double
 prints. We had the best picture blown up to 24" X 36" and framed. We
 hung it up in the entry hall. I had a professional studio turn the
 four hours of video I taped into a one-hour documentary complete with
 voice-over by a local anchor-man.

 Second Child: We took one roll of film and five minutes worth of
 video. The next day we took the film and had it developed by a
 twenty-four hour developing center. I took the best picture and put it
 into my wallet.

 Third Child: We couldn't find the video-camera and we only had five
 shots left on the roll of film. We took all five shots but I don't
 remember if we ever got the roll developed.

 Fourth Child: I quickly got up and grabbed the camera. I placed it up
 high so the child wouldn't grab it.

 The First Time the Child Fell and Got a Cut

 First Child: My wife and I frantically ran over to the child. We swept
 him up and rushed him to the emergency room. No stitches were needed
 but we spent the night with him in his room just in case the bleeding
 started again.

 Second Child: We walked over to her, picked her up and quickly
 bandaged her up. We spent the next two hours rocking her in the living
 room to comfort the pain.

 Third Child: I told my wife that if he was still crying in a couple of
 minutes, we should go over and make sure he isn't hurt too badly. When
 he didn't stop crying, we bandaged up the cut and laid him in his bed
 for a while but we went on about our business.

 Fourth Child: We told the child that if she were still bleeding in a
 few minutes to come over here and we would see what we could do. When
 the child came walking up to the door, we told her to stay outside
 because we didn't want her bleeding on the carpet.

 Pacifier Falls on Floor

 First Child: Mother picks it up, runs to the kitchen and disinfects it
 by boiling in water for ten minutes. Then, after it cools down for ten
 minutes, she gives it back to the child.

 Second Child: Mother picks it up, washes it off in hot water, blows on
 it to cool it down, and gives it back to the child

 Third Child: Mother picks it up, licks it off, and gives it back to
 the child.

 Fourth child. Dog picks it up and licks it off. Mother gives it back
 to the child.