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new year's resolutions, CYBERSLAYER.co.uk - jokes
As we all prepare to start a new year, it is time again to make those
ever so important New Year's Resolutions. I have faithfully made such
resolutions in the past, and while I haven't been able to keep all of
them, I have tried my best to continue making progress on them year
after year.
Following is my revised list of "New Year's Resolutions - 1994 Edition":
Resolution #1
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1991: I will try to be a better husband to Marge.
1992: I will not leave Marge.
1993: I will try for a reconciliation with Marge.
1994: I will try to be a better husband to Wanda.
Resolution #2
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1991: I will stop looking at other women.
1992: I will not get involved with Wanda.
1993: I will not let Wanda pressure me into another
marriage.
1994: I will stop looking at other women.
Resolution #3
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I will not let my boss push me around.
1992: I will not let my sadistic boss drive me to the point of suicide.
1993: I will stick up for my rights when my boss bullies me.
1994: I will tell Dr. Hodger and the group about my boss.
Resolution #4
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1991: I will read at least 20 good books a year.
1992: I will read at least 10 books a year.
1993: I will read 5 books a year.
1994: I will finish Airport.
Resolution #5
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1991: I will not get upset when Charlie and Sam make jokes about my baldness.
1992: I will not get annoyed when Charlie and Sam kid me about my toupee.
1993: I will not lose my temper when they tell the guys I
wear a girdle.
1994: I will not speak to Charlie and Sam.
Resolution #6
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1991: I will get my weight down below 180.
1992: I will watch my calories until I get below 190.
1993: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get
below 200.
1994: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my
weight.
Resolution #7
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1991: I will not take a drink before 5:00 p.m.
1992: I will not touch the bottle before noon.
1993: I will not become a "problem drinker".
1994: I will not miss any AA meetings.
Resolution #8
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1991: I will not spend my money frivolously.
1992: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.
1993: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.
1994: I will begin making a strong effort to be out of debt by 1998.
Resolution #9
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1991: I will see my dentist this year.
1992: I will have my cavities filled this year.
1993: I will have my root canal work done this year.
1994: I will get rid of my denture breath this year.
Resolution #10
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1991: I will go to church every Sunday.
1992: I will go to church as often as possible.
1993: I will set aside time each day for prayer and meditation.
1994: I will try to catch the late night sermonette on TV.
Resolution #11
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1991: I will not be self-destructive.