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     OTHER NEWSPAPERS.....IRON. ZIPPERS AND BROKEN ARMS !!

          Some people tend to cover up the truth when they show up in
     public with a black eye, broken arm or using cruches, and then try to
     explain what happened.  Elaborate stories are concocted, but nearly
     every time the truth comes out, sometimes quite soon, sometimes years
     later.

     TRUE STORY #1:   One young man now confesses that several years ago he
     went to a family reunion with extremely red ears and had a heck of a
     time trying to explain how it occurred.
     (He never did admit they were burned!)  "Burned how?" was the natural
     question.  His ears had gotten burned during one of those long, lazy
     weekends of nothing but football watching and drinking beer.  "I was
     deeply engrossed in the game, and my wife was ironing near by.  She left
     the room, leaving the iron near the telephone.  The phone rang...Keeping
     my eyes glued to the TV set, I grabbed the hot iron and put it to my
     ear, thinking it was the telephone."  So how did both ears get burned,
     we may ask.  "I hadn't anymore than hung up, when the man called back!!"

     TRUE STORY #2:   There was this young couple who had a terrific
     argument one morning before leaving for work.  The wife couldn't get
     her dress zipped up in back, so she backed up to her husband and
     motioned for him to zip up her zipper.  "I'll show you zipping", he
     thought, and briskly whipped it up and down the slide till it broke.
     He had to cut her out of her favorite dress, which didn't make her
     happier with him.
         They went their separate ways to work, both boiling mad at each
     other.  The wife did a slow burn all day.  When she got home that
     evening, she walked through the garage and saw her husband under the
     car fixing something, with only his legs sticking out.  She decided her
     moment of REVENGE had come.  She leaned over, grabbed his pants zipper,
     and whipped it up and down.  Quite contented, she walked into the
     kitchen, where she found her husband standing by the sink.  Sheepishly,
     she asked him, "Who is in the garage, under the car?"  She was told it
     was a neighbor who had come over to help work on the car.  The acutely
     embarrassed wife asked her husband to help explain the situation to the
     neighbor, and they both returned to the garage.  They asked him to come
     out from under the car, but he didn't respond.  When they finally
     dragged him out, he was unconscious and bleeding,  from slamming his
     head into the underside of the car each time he got zipped by
     surprise!!

     TRUE STORY #3:   Our story is not complete without telling of a man
     who could not give a convincing explaination about his broken arm.  He
     kept muttering something about trying to stick his arm through his car
     window that he thought was down.....
          That was the public version, in private, he confessed that it
     happened when his wife brought some potted plants indoors after they
     had been out on the patio all day.  A friendly garter snake had hidden
     in one of the pots, and later slithered out across the floor, and the
     wife spotted it.
          "I was in the bathtub when I heard her scream," he related.  "I
     thought she was being murdered, so I jumped out of the tub, and ran to
     help her.  I didn't even grab a towel."  "When I ran into the living
     room, she yelled that a snake was under the couch.  I got down on all
     fours to look for it, and just then my dog came up from behind and
     `cold-nosed' me.  I guess I thought  it was the snake, and I fainted
     dead away.
          "My wife thought I'd had a heart-attack and called for an
     ambulance.  I was still groggy when the medics arrived, and lifted me
     onto a stretcher."  "Just as they were carrying me out, the snake came
     out from under the couch, and obviously freightened one of the medics.
      He dropped his end of the stretcher.....and that is when I broke my
     arm."
     Contributed from: STILLWATER SUN NEWSPAPER, Columbus, Mont.