www.cyberslayer.co.uk

 


                  STANDARDIZED BONEHEAD REPLY FORM
                    (original by David Parsons)


I took exception to your recent  ___ post to ___________________
(newsgroup)
                                 ___ email.

It was (check all that apply):

 ___ lame.
 ___ stupid.
 ___ much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be
capable.

Your attention is drawn to the fact that:

 ___ what you posted/said has been done before.
    (Mark only if above checked)
     ___ Not only that, it was also done better the last time.
 ___ your post/letter was a pathetic imitation of ______________
(net.personality).
 ___ your post/mail originated on Fidonet.
 ___ your post/mail originated on Delphi.
 ___ your post/mail originated on AOL.
 ___ your post referred to the newsgroup as a Board, BBoard, BBS,
or Notesfile.
 ___ your post contained commercial advertising.
       THE FINE FOR THIS IS $20. Please remit immediately to:
       Usenet News
       Network Security & Standards Patrol
         [Insert your address here]
       or your posting privileges will be cancelled.
 ___ your post/letter contained numerous spelling errors.
 ___ your post/letter contained multiple grammatical errors.
 ___ YOUR POST CONTAINED EXCESSIVE CAPITALIZATION AND/OR
PUNCTUATION!!!!!
 ___ you posted a "newgroup" message without Leader Kibo's
permission.
 ___ you posted a "rmgroup" message without Bruce Becker's
permission.
 ___ your post/letter was an obvious forgery.
    (Mark only if above checked)
    ___ It was done clumsily.
 ___ you have a lame login name.
 ___ your machine has a stupid name.
 ___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and added no new
text.
 ___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and only added ___
lines of text.
 ___ you quoted an article in followup and only added the line
"Me, too!"
 ___ you predicted the "Imminent Death of the Net[tm]".
 ___ you asked for replies via email because you "don't read this
group."
 ___ you flamed someone who has been around far longer than you.
             (In many of your prior articles)
 ___ you flamed someone who is far more intelligent and witty than you.
 ___ your lines are 80 columns wide or wider.
             (In many of your prior articles)
 ___ you failed to check the "Followups-To:" line.
 ___ your .sig is longer than four lines.
     (Mark only if above checked)
    ___ And your newsreader truncated it.
 ___ your .sig is ridiculous because (check all that apply):
    ___ you listed ___ snail mail address(es).
         (Mark only if above checked)
        ___ you listed a nine-digit ZIP code.
    ___ you listed ___ phone numbers for people to use in prank
calls.
    ___ you included a stupid disclaimer.
        (Mark only if above also)
         ___ your pathetic attempt at being witty in the
disclaimer failed.
         (Mark only if above also)
             ___ Miserably.
    ___ you included:
        (Mark all that apply)
         ___ a stupid self-quote.
         ___ a stupid quote from a net.nobody.
         ___ a Rush Limbaugh quote.
         ___ a Dan Quayle joke.
         ___ a reference to Beavis & Butthead.
         ___ lame ASCII graphic(s) (Choose all that apply):
             ___ USS Enterprise
             ___ Australia
             ___ The Amiga logo
             ___ Company logo
                 (Mark only if above also)
                 ___ and you stated that you don't speak for your
                     employer.
             ___ Bicycle
             ___ Bart Simpson

Furthermore:

 ___ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of ______________
(newsgroup).
 ___ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of the net.
 ___ You are a loser.
 ___ You must have spent your entire life in a skinner box to be
this clueless.
 ___ *plonk*
 ___ This has been pointed out to you before.
 ___ It is recommended that you:
     (Mark all that apply)
    ___ stick to Fidonet/Delphi/AOL and come back when you've
grown up.
    ___ find a volcano and throw yourself in.
    ___ get a gun and shoot yourself.
    ___ stop reading Usenet news and get a life.
    ___ stop sending email and get a life.
    ___ consume excrement.
    ___ consume excrement and thus expire.

Additional comments:


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