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                  HOW TO HUNT ELEPHANTS

Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything
that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left.  Professors
of mathematics prove the existence of at least one elephant and leave the
capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for one of their graduate
students.

Computer scientists hunt elephants using algorithm A:
1.  Go to Africa
2.  Start at the Cape of Good Hope
3.  Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent
    alternately East and West.
4.  During each traverse
        a.  Catch each animal seen
        b.  Compare each animal caught to a known elephant
        c.  Stop when a match is detected.

Experienced computer programmers modify Algorithm A by placing a known
elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate.

Engineers hunt elephants by going to Africa, catching gray animals at
random, and stopping when any one of them weighs within plus or minus 15
percent of any previously observed elephant.

Economists don't hunt elephants, but they believe that if elephants are
paid enough they will hunt themselves.

Statisticians hunt the first animal they see N times and call it an
elephant

Consultants don't hunt elephants, but they can be hired by the hour to
advise those who do.  Operations research consultants can measure the
correlation of hat size and bullet color to the efficiency of elephant
hunting strategies, if someone else will identify the elephants.

Politicians don't hunt elephants, but they will share the elephants you
catch with the people who voted for them.

Lawyers don't hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds around arguing
about who owns the droppings.  Software lawyers will claim that they own an
entire herd based on the look and feel of one dropping.

When the Vice President of R&D tries to hunt elephants, his staff will try
to ensure that  all elephants are completely prehunted before he sees them.
If the VP sees a nonprehunted elephant, the staff will (1) Compliment the
vice president's keen eyesight and (2) enlarge itself to prevent any
recurrence.

Senior managers set broad elephant hunting policy based on the assumption
that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper voices.

Quality assurance inspectors ignore the elephants and look for mistakes the
other hunters made when they were packing the jeep.

Salespeople don't hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants
they haven't  caught, for delivery two days before the season opens.
Software salespeople ship the first thing they catch and write up an
invoice for an elephant.  Hardware salespeople catch rabbits, paint them
gray and sell them as "desktop elephants."