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Tech Support Guy, CYBERSLAYER.co.uk - jokes
A Day in the Life Of A Tech Support/Customer Service Guy
I wake up and look at the clock. Noon, as usual. I go in to the office, and
see that the phones are flashing and buzzing. Damn call waiting. Oh, well. I
take the first call with my usual technique: "Thank you for calling the tech
support/CS department. Our hours are from 1 P.M to 1:05. Please (YAWWWWN)---"
"Why you..." Busted. "Ye-e-e-es?" "I have a question." "Let me transfer you
to the department of the people who can tolerate blatantly obvious
statements." "I turned on one of your computers, and I got a message that
said 'We have the right to shoot things out of the disk drive at you.' Does
that mean anything?" "Yes, that message can be removed through the modem.
Please turn on your machine." Heh heh. "OK, it's on." "Do you have the
message?" "Yes." "OK, first let me see if you need it removed. I'm going to
try to shoot the microprocessor at you. Ready?" "I, uh, I mean, I really..."
"Too bad." I push a button. "AAAHHH...." "Sir?" "By bicroprocessor djust hid
be id de..." YES! Right in the nostril! "Sir?" "Whad?" "Shut up."
Next call. "This is tech support/CS, may I help you?" Please please please
please say no... "Uh, Mr. tech support dude?" Oh, good, a teenager. B-d-BING!
"I'm sorry sir, your pot isn't ready yet." "Oh, did I call the pot place
AGAIN? It's a habit, man." "No, dullard." "Uh, I just stole one of your
computers, and I can't figure out how to turn it on." "Ok, do you have a
hairpin or something?" "I have a bobby pin I use to pick locks." "OK. Now,
find an outlet and stick it in there. Don't let go." "Ok, man. Thanks."
Next call. "Tech support....blah blah blah, all that crap... How may
I help you?" "I'm trying to run the fax software that was installed on your
system, and every time I run it, my machine locks up and gives me strange
messages." I get exaggeratedly cheerful. "Gee, sir. Your files must be
corrupt." "Any idea how to fix them" "Nope." Next call. "Hi, you've
dialed the hell hotline, and this is the spectre of death, how may I help
you?" "Uh, wrong number." "Damn right." Next call. "Hi." "Is this
tech..." "YES, DAMMIT." "I tried to backup my hard drive to a tape, and
everything on it got deleted." "Oh, yeah, that's supposed to happen." "But
that can't be right. "You question me?" Vile bastard. "Uh, yeah.. I mean, NO,
I, um, maybe, uh..." "shut UP." "Good point. Is there any way I can get the
files back." "Did you do a tape backup?" "No. If you recall, the backup
software deleted them." Oh, how nice, sarcasm. And did I hear him mutter
"idiot" under his breath? "Sir, please dial the following number with your
modem. 1-800-HEH-HEH." He dials it. Now who's an idiot? I push a button. I
hear an explosion over the phone. "Uh, my computer just exploded." "Whoa. How
awful." TO BE CONTINUED (but only if I get requests for more)....