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"Star Trek Lost Episodes" transcript.

      Picard: "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at
      finding a weakness in the Borg?  And Mr. Data, have you been able to
      access their command pathways?"
      Geordi: "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching
      through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."

      Geordi presses a  key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.

      Riker looks puzzled:
      "What the hell is a 'Microsoft'?"

      Data turns to answer:
      "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason
      called 'Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their
      root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an
      unstoppable rate."

      Picard:
      "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their
      processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"

     Data:   "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a
      new version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources
      increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able
      to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability
      will be taken over and none will be available for their normal
      operational functions."

      Picard: "Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable
      geometric shape' idea."

      . 15 Minutes Later ...

      Data:   "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the
      command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all
	resources.
      We however have not received any confirmation of the expected 'upgrade'."

      Geordi: "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and
      CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an
      'upgrade' to compensate for their increase."

     Picard: "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is
      something we missed."

      Data:   "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the
      'upgrade'. Appearently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan
      by not sending in their registration cards.

      Riker:  "Captain we have no choice.  Requesting permission to begin
      emergency escape sequence 3F ..."

      Geordi, excited:
      "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped
      to 0%!"

      Picard: "Data, what do your scanners show?"

      Data:   "Appearently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module
      named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity."

      Picard: "Lets wait and see how long this 'Solitaire' can reduce their
      functionality."

      . Two Hours Pass ...

      Riker:  "Geordi what's the status on the Borg?"

      Geordi: "As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to
      compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they
      successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space
      monitor beacon to transmit more 'Windows' modules from something
	called the 'Microsoft Fun-Pack'.

      Picard: "How much time will that buy us?"

      Data:   "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest
      time span of 6 more hours."

      Geordi: "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."

      Picard: "Identify."

      Data:   "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft'
      logo!"

      Over the speakers:
      "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE
      HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR.
      SURREDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE.  YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS
      TO COMPLY."

      Data:   "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and
      released thousands of humanoid shaped objects."

      Picard: "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft!"

      Riker:  "Good God captain!  Those are humans floating straight toward
      the Borg ship with no life support suits!  How can they survive deep
      space?!"

      Data:   "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look
      closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something
      recognized by twenty-first century man as doe skin leather briefcases,
      and wearing Armani suits!"

      Riker and Picard together horrified:
      "Lawyers!!"

      Geordi: "It can't be.  All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent
      hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."

      Data:   "True, but apparently some must have survived."

      Riker:  "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with
      pieces of paper."

      Data:   "I believe that is known in ancient venacular as 'red tape'--it
	often proves fatal."

      Riker:  "They're tearing the Borg to pieces!"

      Picard: "Turn off the monitors.  I can't stand to watch, not even the
      Borg deserve that."