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annoying people (3/5), CYBERSLAYER.co.uk - jokes
101 WAYS TO ANNOY PEOPLE
As an expert on the art of annoying and irritating others, I have
endeavored to compile a list of methods I have developed, used,or read
about, with which to annoy people. Some are very simple, some take
preparation, some are very old, some are new. At least 1/4 of them are
guaranteed to annoy your victim. Have fun!
41. Take a deck of cards, and say, "Okay, I'm gonna do a magic trick."
Ask the person to pick any card, and put it anywhere in the deck.
After they have shuffled the deck thoroughly, take the deck back.
Ask, "What was your card?" When they tell you, say, "Not only has
your card magically come to the top of the deck, but it has also
magically turned into..." Pick up the top card, look at it, and
name it.
42. When somebody is talking very excitedly at a restaurant, pick up
their plate, hand it to them, and nod gravely. Wait for them to
notice and wonder why they are holding their plate.
43. Exclaim in a crowded theater, "No, I won't touch you there for a
dollar! No, not two dollars, either!"
44. Approach somebody quietly from behind, grab them, and scream,
"Booga booga!" or any other such exclamation loudly. This works
extremely well on high strung people.
45. Be chronically late. Not really late, but always be about five or
seven minutes late. This really gets anal retentive people. I
know.
46. Shave with someone elses razor. For some reason, a lot of people
are really touchy about that. Once again, I know.
47. Once again at a restaurant, one with a candle in the middle of the
table, while someone is up before the food has come, take their
plate, hold the bottom rim over the candle, and rotate it so you
get a lot of soot on the bottom of the plate. When they come back,
say, "I'm going to hypnotize you. Pick up your plate in your left
hand, and with your right hand, copy all my actions." Proceed to
rub your index finger around the bottom rim of your plate, and in
a circle on your forehead. Then around the rim, and each of your
eyes. Keep going, with different parts of the face, until they
notice.
48. Cut out an article or section of the newspaper before someone else
has had a chance to read it.
49. Send a letter with twenty-nine one cent stamps.
50. Go into a locker room with a pocket knife, and cut off all the
shoelaces that are hanging out of the lockers.
51. When someone asks, "Are there any questions?" ask, "Where do
babies come from?" This is one of my favorites.
52. Step on someone's feet, and push them backwards.
53. Take their hat.
54. Grab a book that someone is reading, open it to the last page, and
read this out loud.
55. When riding shotgun in a convertible, surreptitiously reach over
and put up just the rear windows. In a convertible, this looks
REALLY stupid.
56. Take an envelope, fill it with baking powder or flour,and send it
to somebody.
57. At a fast food restaurant, push down the bubbles on the drink tops
of everybody's drink.
58. Crack all your knuckles. A lot of people can't stand fingers, and
I know some people who have almost fainted upon the cracking of
the neck.
59. Sing, "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, I know a
song that gets on everybody's nerves..." over and over again to
the tune of the first two lines of The Battle Hymn of the
Republic.
60. Pay for an item at a store with all pennies.