www.cyberslayer.co.uk

 


      How to answer the usual questions asked of Indians?
      To help the new wave of incoming students from India,
      here are the proper answers to awkward questions asked
      everyday:

     Q. What does that red dot on women's forehead mean?
     A. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archery
        skills by target practicing by aiming at their wife's red dot.
        In fact, that is one of the reasons why they had many wives.
        You see, once they mastered the art of archery and hit the
        target....

     Q.  You're from India?  I have read so much about the country.  All
         the wonderful places, the forests, the snake charmers, the
         elephants. Do you still use elephants for transportation?
     A.  Absolutely. In fact we used to have our own elephant in
         our house. But later, we started participating in
         elephant-ride sharing schemes with our neighbors, to save
         the air.  You see elephants have an "emissions" problem.....

     Q.  Does India have cars?
     A.  No. We ride elephants to work.  The government is trying to
         encourage ride-sharing schemes.

     Q.  Does India have TV?
     A.  No.  We only have cable.

     Q.  Are all Indians vegetarian?
     A.  Yes.  Even tigers are vegetarian in India.

     Q.  How come you speak English so well?
     A.  You see when the British were ruling India,they employed
         Indians as servants.  It took too long for the Indians to
         learn English.So the British isolated an "English-language"
         gene and infused their servants' babies with it and since
         then all babies born are born speaking English.

     Q.  Are you a Hindi?
     A.  Yes.  I am spoken everyday in Northern India.

     Q.  Do you speak Hindu?
     A.  Yes,  I also speak Jewish, Islam and Christianity.

     Q.  Is it true that everyone there is very corrupt?
     A.  Yes, in fact, I had to bribe my parents so that they would
         let me go to school.

     Q.  India is very hot, isn't it?
     A.  It is so hot there that all the water boils spontaneously.
         That is why tea is such a popular drink in India.

     Q.  Are there any business companies in India?
     A.  No. All Indians live on the Gandhian prinicples of
         self-sufficiency. We all make our own clothes and grow our
         own food.  That is why you see all these thin skinny
         Indians -- it is is a lot of hard work.

     Q.  Indians cannot eat beef, huh?
     A.  Cows provide milk which is a very essential part of Indian
         diet. So eating cows is forbidden. However, in order to
         decrease the population of the country, the government is
         trying to encourage everyone to eat human meat, and believe
         me it is working out pretty good.

     Q.  India is such a religious place. Do you meditate regularly?
     A.  Yes, sometimes I meditate for weeks without food and drink.
         But it is difficult to keep my job, because I have to miss
         work when I meditate like that.  But the bosses there do
         the same thing.That is why things are so inefficient there.

     Q.  I saw on TV that people there walk on burning coals. Why do
         they do that?
     A.  We don't have shoes. So we burn the bottom of our feet to
         make it hard so that we can walk.

     Q.  Why do you sometimes wear Indian clothes to work?
     A.  I prefer it to coming naked.