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If superhighways were like the internet, CYBERSLAYER.co.uk - jokes
"Think of the Internet as a Highway."
There it is again. Some clueless fool talking about the
"Information Superhighway." They don't know didley about the net.
It's nothing like a superhighway. That's a rotten metaphor.
Suppose the metaphor ran in the other direction. Suppose the
highways were like the net. . .
A highway hundreds of lanes wide. Most with pitfalls for
potholes. Privately operated bridges and overpasses. No highway
patrol. A couple of rent-a-cops on bicycles with broken whistles.
500 member vigilante posses with nuclear weapons. A minimum of
237 on ramps at every intersection. No signs. Wanna get to
Ensenada? Holler out the window at a passing truck to ask
directions. Ad hoc traffic laws. Some lanes would vote to make
use by a single-occupant- vehicle a capital offense on Monday
through Friday between 7:00 and 9:00. Other lanes would just
shoot you without a trial for talking on a car phone.
AOL would be a giant diesel-smoking bus with hundreds of ebola
victims on board throwing dead wombats and rotten cabbage at the
other cars, most of which have been assembled at home from kits.
Some are built around 2.5 horsepower lawnmower engines with a top
speed of nine miles an hour. Others burn nitrogylcerin and idle
at 120.
No license plates. World War II bomber nose art instead.
Terrifying paintings of huge teeth or vampire eagles. Bumper
mounted machine guns. Flip somebody the finger on this highway
and get a white phosphorus grenade up your tailpipe. Flatbed
trucks cruise around with anti-aircraft missile batteries to shoot
down the traffic helicopter. Little kids on tricycles with
squirtguns filled with hydrochloric acid switch lanes without
warning.
NO OFFRAMPS. None.
Now that's the way to run an Interstate Highway system.