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Oracle their pitiful requests for knowledge, and he answers.

For information about how to ask questions of (or answer questions as) the
Usenet Oracle, email oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in your
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The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Oh wise and omnipotent Oracle,
>
> Is man the master of his own destiny, or is there a master plan?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

 Of course there's a plan! The kids are following it pretty well, too.
 I've got a wonderful class. Here's a copy of the instructions:

 READ THROUGH THESE INSTRUCTIONS CAREFULLY BEFORE PROCEEDING.
 ALWAYS OBSERVE SAFETY PRECAUTIONS! USE A LAB COAT AND GOGGLES!

 BEFORE THE EXPERIMENT: Prepare a planet with a stable ecosystem and
 near-surface hydrocarbons and fissionables. This will be the substrate
 for the experiment.

 EXPERIMENT 1 (Effect of Environment on Individuals): Place a small
 quantity of monkeys (Grade H or I) on the substrate. Observe their
 reaction. How long do the monkeys survive? Try placing them at
 different distances from the equator. Place some in an ocean. Put a few
 on the pole. Which region is optimal? Does your finding agree with the
 data book value for Standard monkeys? Can you explain the difference,
 if any?

 EXPERIMENT 2 (Effect of Environment on Species): Place a small
 quantity of monkeys in a forest near the equator. What happens? (If
 nothing happens for a long time, add some Non-tree-climbing Carnivores
 as a catalyst.) Plot the average length of the monkeys' tails as a
 function of time. What can be observed? What causes the lengthening?

 EXPERIMENT 3 (Effect of Environment on Species): Put some monkeys on a
 savannah. In a short while, you should be able to see a change in the
 monkeys. Compare the hind and front legs of a changed monkey. Can the
 hind feet still grasp objects? What happens to the tail? What does the
 monkey do with its front legs now that they are not used for walking?
 Save some of these changed monkeys for the next experiment.

 EXPERIMENT 4 (Emergence of Sentience): NOTE: IF THE MONKEYS DEVELOP
 "SPEECH", DISPLAY SIGNS OF "INTELLIGENCE", OR START SMOKING, PLACE
 THE EXPERIMENT IN AN ICE BATH TO SLOW THE REACTION. Continue to
 observe the bipedal monkeys you synthesized in the previous experiment.
ZOT
 trees near monkey colonies. Do the monkeys start using fire? ZOT some
 mammoths. Did you induce primitive mysticism? Can you get the monkeys
 to worship you? (Hint: If they have developed speech, try picking one
 as a "prophet" and ZOT a few "unbelievers".)

 EXPERIMENT 5 (Effect of Species on Environment): Continue to observe
 the talking monkeys. You should see more complex tool use and the
 emergence of technology. Are the monkeys using the near-surface
 hydrocarbons you provided? How long will they last? What do you suppose
 the monkeys will do when they are running out? Can you observe any
 nuclear explosions? Do monkeys get killed by them? Are they accidental?

 After the experiment, dispose of the planet. Note that it may be
 radioactive. Wash the solar system and wipe the desk.

 VIDEO DEMONSTRATION (Effect of Individuals on Environment): After
 watching the video, describe the mechanism that causes a huge number of
 monkeys to follow a single leader, and speculate on their reasoning
 behind giving one single monkey the authority to launch thermonuclear
 devices to devastate their home planet.