From an article written by Hart Seely of the Syracuse Herald American.
Raging Controversy:. Should the tree be real or fake?
Politically Correct Solution:. Live tree, planted after use.
Politically Incorrect Solution:. Fake tree, discarded after use.
Christmas Ideal:. Grow tree in house, adorned with fruits.
Christmas Reality:. Fake tree stays up until may 31, adorned with furballs.
Raging Controversy:. Should tree lights twinkle or stay constant?
Politically Correct Solution:. Each bulb blinks to its own chosen rhythm.
Politically Incorrect Solution:. Bulbs flash logo of tree's corporate sponsor.
Christmas Ideal:. Elegant flickering candles.
Christmas Reality:. Elegant smoldering cigarettes. Tree bursts into flames, burns house down.
Raging Controversy:. Should tree be topped with an angel or a star?
Politically Correct Solution:. Gender-neutral angel quashes submissive female stereotype.
Politically Incorrect Solution:. Blond angel, kneeling, in hooter's t-shirt.
Christmas Ideal:. Authentic angel swoops in from heaven, saves lives.
Christmas Reality:. Hell's angel stops in for dinner, drinks beer.
Raging Controversy:. Do yo fling or hang tinsel?
Politically Correct Solution:. Fling, empowering each strand with self-determining skills.
Politically Incorrect Solution:. Hang them. Now.
Christmas Ideal:. Each icicle hangs like strand of spaghetti.
Christmas Reality:. Icicles hang next to actual strands of spaghetti.
Raging Controversy:. Do you open gifts christmas morning or christmas eve?
Politically Correct Solution:. Gifts opened on individual schedules.
Politically Incorrect Solution:. Do it christmas eve, so the giving is over in time to enjoy rush limbaugh's afternoon show.
Christmas Ideal:. "Mommy, daddy, get up, it's christmas!"
Christmas Reality:. "Mommy, daddy, get up, it's christmas!"
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