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ABSENT: (n) The notation generally following your name in a class record.
ADMISSIONS OFFICE: (n) Where they take you to get you to admit you've
 mooned the keynote speaker during "new student weekend."
ANATOMY: (n) One of those classes that sounds vaguely risque until
 you find out what it REALLY involves.
BIOLOGY: (n) A class located suspiciously near the cafeteria.
BOOK: (n) A depository of knowledge which a student will try to stay
 awake long enough to read the night before finals.
BOOKBAG: (n) A large container in which students store candy bars, gum,
 combs, little slips of paper with phone numbers on them, yo-yos,
 sunglasses, student I.D.s, loose change, magazines, & (occasionally) books.
CAFETERIA: (n) from Latin "cafe" ("place to eat") and "teria" ("to wretch").
CAFFEINE: (n) One of the four basic food groups.
CALL: (v) What you can't do because your stupid roommate has to go over
 every stupid detail of every stupid day with their stupid hometown
 sweetheart.
COACH: (n) A teacher who rewards successful "students" with a new Corvette.
CUM LAUDE: (v) How students in southern universities call dogs named
 "Laude."
D-MINUS: (n) A pretty good grade.
DORM: (n) Student residence located only a few convenient miles
 from 8 a.m. classes.
DORMROOM: (n) A small closet-like area inhabited by a pair of
 incompatible people.
EDUCATION BUDGET: (n) Money you allocate each month for movies and
 magazines.
EGGHEAD: 1) (n) A brainy student who studies all the time and gets
                straight A's.
         2) (n) That same student once you've dropped eggs on him from
                the roof of the science lab.
EXTRA CREDIT: (n) What you wish you had on your credit card.
F: (n) A grade that can usually be altered to look like a "B" on a
 test paper.
JUNIOR VARSITY: (n) The team that everybody supports, but nobody goes
 to watch.
KAPPA: (n) What members of sororities or fraternities wear on their
 headas.
KITCHENETTE: (n) A small, thin person working in the cafeteria kitchen.
KLUTZ: (n) What you discover your lab partner is when you ask him to
 slowly pour the sulfuric acid into the beaker you're holding.
LAB: (n) A room full of icky, funny-looking creatures and the dead frogs
 they dissect.
LETTERMEN: (n) Scholarship athletes who proudly wear letter sweaters
 proclaiming the vowel or consonant they have mastered.
LIBERAL ARTS: (n) See: "Would you like fries with that?"
LOUNGE: (n) Any area in a dorm, union or classroom building where the only
furniture that isn't soiled, ripped or scarred is immediately stolen.
MAJOR: (n) Area of study that no longer interests you.
MIDNIGHT OIL: (n) What you make popcorn in.
MISERY: (n) The sinking feeling you get when introduced to the person your
 roomie fixed you up with because "the two of you are so much alike."
NICKNAME: (n) Generally, your own name with the suffix "ster" attached in a
 forced awkward attempt at familiarity.  E.g. "Bobster," "Hankster" or
 "Georgester."
NO: (n) The response that guys who will spend most of their time in the gym
 lifting weights might put on a true/false test.
NUDE MODELS: (n) The reason for your sudden interest in art.
OFF-CAMPUS PARKING: (n) Ample extra parking usually found in an adjoining
 county.
OTHELLO: (n) Unless you're an English major, who really cares??
OUT: (n) Where your roommate always is when one of the 35 clubs she belongs
 to calls with a very important message.
PAPER: (n) Your version of Cliff Notes.
POSTER: (n) An inexpensive way to decorate a dormroom while making people
 think you've been to foreign lands and done things you never have.
PRE-LAW: (n) The major of a person who will end up in sales.
VICE SQUAD: (n) A group of uniformed officers who seem to be under the
 impression that they were invited to your dorm party.
VENDING MACHINE : (n) A coin operated device for dispensing breakfast, lunch
 and dinner.
VICTOR: (n) Your football team's weekly opponent.
VICTORY: (n) A rarity; a three syllable word that cheerleaders CAN spell.
WEEKEND : (n) Two day period during which your growling stomach makes you
really wish you'd signed up for a seven day meal plan.
WHIZ KID: (n) Your college nickname. But not for the reason people think.
WINDELLAS: (n) Name of the circus family you can run away and join when your
 parents find out how much you put on their charge card.
WINTER: (n) When the air conditioning in your dorm finally kicks in.
WORK-STUDY: (n) Two things not done by a majority of students.
WRISTWATCH: (n) That device on your arm that lets you know which class
 you're currently late for.
X-RAY: (n) A medical technique that will display cafeteria meatballs up to
 ten years after they're eaten.
XYLEM: (n) We're not going to tell you this. You should know this. You took
 Biology, didn't you? (Were you asleep that day or what?)
YALE: 1) (n) A well known ivy league university.
      2) (v) What southern cheerleaders do.
YEARBOOK: (n) A book containing student pictures that will keep getting
 nerdier as the years go by.
YESTERDAY: (n) When the 12 page paper you started tonight was due.
YIELD SIGN: (n) Dormitory wall decoration you "purchased" around 3 in the
 morning with the help of two buddies and a hammer.
ZEPPELIN: 1) (n) A large blimp.
          2) (n) Still the best band for playing air guitar in one's
                 underwear.
ZERO: (n) The number of times you've gotten to eat most of the pizza you
  ordered.
ZOO: (n) What dorms would look like if they were a little neater.
ZOOLOGY: (n) The study of animal life (See: "Frat boys at Homecoming").