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               LEARNING TO SPELL WITH "DARNELL"  [Part 1 of 2]

  This is "Learning to Spell with Darnell."  I be Darnell Jackson, and
 today we're gonna spell the word__________.  Spell it with me now,
  ____________.  Now let's use it in a sentence.


Widen:        "When my girlfriend, Larina, told me she was pregnant I said,
               widen you tell me you didn't use no birth control?"

Urinal:       "After the police broke down my front door last night, they
               said, Darnell, urinal lot of trouble."

Undermine:    "There's a fine looking bitch living in the apartment right
               undermine.

Stain:        "My sister and brother-in-law stopped by the other day, so I
               asked them, you plannin on stain?"

Sodomy:       "When I go out at night, I like to have a bitch on one sodomy
               and another bitch on the other sodomy."

Semen:        "I never did know who my papa was cause my mama semen left
               and right."

Seldom:       "I had two extra tickets to the basketball game the other
                  night, so I seldom to my friend."

Rectum:       "I had two Cadillacs, but my girlfriend rectum both."

Polyp:        "On my way home from the Piston's game the other night, I was
               involved in a five-car polyp on I-75."

Penis:        "I saw my parole officer the other day and he handed me a
               little paper cup and said, here penis.

Orgasm:       "I asked my cousin Dexter about the death penalty in his
               state.  I asked if they electrocute em, hand, orgasm."

Oreo:         "I told my friend, Alonzo, if he wanted my sister, he could
               pay me 50 bucks now oreo me 100 bucks on Friday."

Oral:         "My friend Sebastian said, give me 25 cents oral blow your
               head off."

Odyssey:      "When I got back from the Windsor Ballet, I told my friends,
               you odyssey the tits on that babe."

Menstruate:   "With the fashions today you can't keep the women and
               menstruate."

Manual:       "I told my buddy Tyrone, manual get yourself in trouble if
               you keep messing with that hoe."

Letter:       "The ugly bitch downstairs came knocking on Darnell's door
               the other night and I wouldn't letter in."

July:         "After the trial, my mama asked me, did you tell the truth
               or July?"

Income:       "My girlfriend and I just got into bed, when income my wife."

Horde:        "My mama always did have a bad reputation cause she horde
               around in her school."

Honor:        "At our rape trial the judge asked my buddy Jarvis, who be
               honor?"

Homo:         "The bitch I'm living with called me at the bar the other
               night.  She said Darnell, honey, are you coming homo what?"

Fortify:      "I asked this bitch down on 6 Mile--How much?  She said
               fortify dollars. honey."

Formaldehyde: "The police came to my door looking for my cousin Melvin.
               I told them there ain't no place formaldehyde in the house,
               it be too small."

Foreclose:    "If I don't pay my alimony this month, I'll have more
               money foreclose."

Fascinate:    "My sister Wolanda bought a sweater with ten buttons on it,
               but her tits are so big, she can only fascinate."

Disappointment:  "My parole officer told me, if I miss disappointment, he's
                  going to send me back to the big house."

Dimension:    "A lot of you ladies been calling in wondering what Darnell
               look like.  Well, he's tall, dark, handsome, not dimension
               hung like a horse."

Derange:      "Derange is where the deer and the antelope play."

Decide:       "My favorite girls are Wanda and Yolanda, but I like to keep
               a couple on decide.

Data:         "At my basketball game the other night, I score a triple
               double and my coach said data boy Darnell."

Copulate:     "I called 911 and an hour later when they showed up, I said
               copulate."

Connoisseur:  "I says to my friend Ramone, man you really stink today, what
               connoisseur did you crawl out of?"

Coatroom:     "The judge said, one more outburst like that and I'll have
               the bailiff clear the coatroom."

Clothesline:  "When I came home late again, I found my clothesline on the
               porch."

Catacomb:     "I went to the Douglas/Hollyfield fight and sat next to Don
               King: man, someone oughta get that catacomb."

Button:       "My girlfriend Juanita bought some leopard skin stretch
               pants.  I said girl, you won't get you button 'em."

Beware:       "I asked the man at the employment office, is this beware
               I find be a job?"

Battery:      "The coach told my cousin Reggie he better start swinging
                  the battery won't be in the line up tomorrow."

Bagdad:       "I always wondered what was in the Bagdad use to drink out
               of when he was sitting on the front porch."

Assert:       "On the way home from work, I always take assert so my
               old lady don't smell liquor on my breath."

Anus:         "The policeman told me and my friend Jerome they be looking
               for the two guys that held up the liquor store and we
               said---anus."

Afford:       "I wanted to buy a Cadillac, but then had to settle for
               afford.