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*From Jim Mica:
        Here's to our wives and lovers.  May they never meet.
*From Marc Mason:
        A Toast: Here's to honor- get on her and stay on her...
*From Anne Young:   (Also mentioned by Marty Messmer)
At my sister's wedding the best man made a very short very simple toast:
   "To Bill and Carole, may all their ups and downs be between the sheets."
*From Steve Kohls - some things I've picked up:
   - A deaf husband and a blind wife are always a happy couple.
   - Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage; and half shut afterward.
   - Anybody who claims that marriage is a fifty-fifty proposition doesn't
know the first thing about women or fractions.
   - I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine - he gets better
with age. The next day she locked me in the cellar.
   - My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her
life and I don't try to run mine.
   - Marriage--the high sea for which no compass has yet been invented.
   - The woman cries before wedding; the man afterward.
   - The cooing stops with the honeymoon; the billing goes on forever.
   - Single people die earlier. Marriage is healthier. If you're looking
for a long life and a slow death, get married.
   - Marriage is like a violin. After the music is over, you still have
the strings.
   - Husbands are like fires. They go out if left unattended.
   - Marriages may be made in heaven, but most of the details are worked
out on earth.
*From Jeffrey E. Schultz:
   Buy candy bars of every kind and make up an amorous story fitting in the
candy bars wherever you can.  Example:  A (Bit-o-Honey)moon advice: Don't
(Rollo)ver on her when you are trying to find her (Mounds) in the dark.  You
might be in trouble if when you (Skor), she screams (Oh Henry) and your name is
John. ... stuff like that.  Make it as suggestive as you think the audience
will allow.  This kind of thing goes over great a rehearsal dinners.  It's
practical too, because the couple has some quick energy food for the Honeymoon.
*From Richard Ooms:
         They say marriage is an institution.  Mom and Dad always
worried that Tom would end up in an institution.
*From: Mark Mostert:
        Read the telegrams of all those who couldn't come to the wedding,
you could finish off with this message from an 'anonymous' friend of the bride
and groom:   "Sorry I couldn't be with you on your very special day. I hope you
have a super day and and that your wedding night is like a well-cooked chicken
- - - lots of tender white breast and thighs that fall apart!"
*From Jay Goldberg:
I made up a top ten list once for a best man speech I had to give:
        Top Ten reasons why these two should get married.
***From Jack Kraft:
        The best man makes reference that prior to meeting the new bride, the
groom was quiet a lady's man.  Now since he is married would all of his ex-girl
friends please return their keys to his apartment.  Then have it pre-arranged
with a number of girls to walk forward and give the new groom a key.  If you
feel really naughty, get a guy and some older woman to participate too.
***From Daniel V. Novatnak:
  Before we left the house we made a piece of toasted bread and placed it in
my inside coat pocket.  When it became time for the benediction I said, "I
have a toast for the new husband an wife...", and reached into my pocket
(everyone assumed that I had a pre-written speech) and pulled out the toast
and handed it to them.  After the laughter I gave a heartfelt, real toast.
*From: John Olack
        "here's to women, that we could fall into their arms without falling
 into their hands".
*From Andy Cramer:
        For stories, I suggest bringing things up from the past works well.
Pick a humorous story about both of them doing something they weren't supposed
to do, together or separate ("Remember when we went up a tree so the cops
wouldn't see us!?").
*From Chris Cook:
        May the saddest days of your future be better than the happiest days
        of your past.           or:
        May your only son be the goalie on a nudest hockey team.
*From Bernard Cox:
    I tell the people that on a night of recent revelry I asked the groom (in
a slow time during the evening) what he wanted to get from his marrage.
He said "Well, I want to be a model husband.  I want to be a model citizen.
And" he added with a sort of wolfish grin " I want to be a model lover!"
Being the naieve chap that I am I looked up "model" in the dictionary.  It
said "A small miniature replica of the real thing!!"
*From Allen (Brain99@aol.com):
Here's something thoroughly inappropriate stolen from P.J. O'Rourke:
  "Here's to _____ a helluva pal, every girls guy and every guys gal.
  He's a prince, he's a topper, he's the King of the dance.
  And he frightens the horses when he takes down his pants."
*From Joseph V. Spinetti:
        "Love is blind, but marrage is a real eye-opener!"
*From Melody Miller:
        I recently attended my best friends wedding... and the best man made
a short speech.. remembering how he came to be friends with the groom, how the
bride affected his life (or not, whichever the case..) the good times they had,
and he wished the couple everlasting happiness.
*From Jeff Kirchhoff:
     Plan to say something simple and short, start with that and then wing it!